I'm having that sad realization right now. When Mom asked me to join her for a business trip, I didn't realize that trip would fall on the exact same weekend of Reymond's birthday. I didn't really think things through. I just said yes because I knew Mom couldn't travel by herself. I wanted to be of assistance to her not thinking I would be the one that needed help this weekend.
She is upset with me right now. My baby brother was trying to be helpful by warning my mom about my emotional state but the whole thing backfired. She asks me why I didn't tell her earlier. How was I to know I would be in such turmoil the day before leaving?
It's really a no-win situation. I'm being asked to make a decision because there is money involved. I wish people would think more about how this is all affecting me instead of how much would be lost if I don't go.
If Reymond were here, he would hug me and reassure me that everything would be okay. He always had the calming effect on my constant negativity. He could solve any problem, make all my worries go away. But he's not here now and I can't seem to make sense of the situation I find myself in. I'm hurt, confused, disoriented and so very sad. I feel so alone.
How I wish you were here, Darling. You would make everything alright like you always do.
I miss you so much. Almost six months and I'm nowhere close to normal.
