I received a very disturbing message from a good friend of Reymond. They were inviting me out for dinner but I had to decline because I had already made previous plans with another group. Besides, they cancelled on me days before and so I didn't think they would take it against me if I declined their last minute invite.
To my horror, Reymond's friend jokingly reprimanded me and said, and I quote, "labas ka ng labas ha." When I explained, he then called me "defensive."I didn't know what to make of this comment. Was he trying to be funny? Was he serious? Or was he just clueless?
Truth be told, he is not the first person to make that comment to me. A number of people have said that I have been going out too often, I pay too much attention to how I look and I have been seen in public regularly since Reymond passed away. These people have made the exact same comment to me and for the first few times, I let it slide. Last comment I received though, I wasn't going to let it slide anymore.
People grieve in different ways. They do whatever it takes to survive their grief and people are not always understanding and accepting of those ways. I enjoy being in the company of my family and friends. I enjoy dressing up and talking fashion with my girlfriends. I especially enjoy eating out in restaurants and going out of town when I can. This was me before Reymond died and I don't see why people are now taking it against me.
Is it because I'm supposed to look sick? Am I supposed to look like I've been crying the whole day? Am I not supposed to put make up on? Am I not supposed to be seen in the company of friends? Please tell me. I'm a novice and so this is really all new to me. If I am offending any of your sensibilities, you are always free to tell me. But forgive me if I don't take lightly to your comments.
I know how much I love Reymond. I know how much pain his death caused me. I know that I have to live the rest of my life hurting -- maybe not as much as today but the hurt will always be with me. I don't have to remind myself everyday and prove that to anyone by looking the part. I don't need to show anyone my grief by posting pictures of the nights I cry myself to sleep or on the days I just break down over nothing.
I am trying my best to deal with the cards I've been given so please forgive me if you think I am not honoring your friend. You may be hurting as well. We all are. But don't add to our grief by questioning how I am handling his death. You don't know how I grieve. You have no idea how much pain and suffering I am going through. Do not judge me because you have no idea. I grieve as much as you do and maybe even more because I made a vow to love Reymond forever. He was supposed to be with me forever and I'm still coming to terms with his abrupt departure.
So please, please be kind with your words. Please think before you say anything to me -- whether jokingly or not. Your words hurt and I can only handle so much. Don't belittle my efforts. We are all hurting and so we should all just be accepting of one another.
2 comments:
True, people can be so insensitive -myself included. We sometimes talk without thinking. Maybe he meant it as a joke, but still his words cut you. Don't let it. Like you said, he doesn't know what's happening with you 24/7. We cope with grieving in many forms. The passing of a mate doesn't mean you have to stop living your life. Painful but true. I hope & pray that you days, and nights, get better. <3
Thank you. I agree, some people are clueless. They think they're being witty when actually, they're being hurtful. Sad.
Post a Comment